Receptivity. Attunement. Intuition. Presence. Helping my clients find their own experience.

It's my experience that our life force knows when we're on the right track for us. We feel gladness.

“Being able not to know means not having to pretend understanding when it's not yet there; it means not having to force connections before they fit; it means enjoying a relief from feeling insecure if one doesn't have "the answer". Often, the art of crafting previously unasked questions and generating methods of inquiry opens up vaster expanses of landscape to see into than scrambling for answers does. And answers are more complete if nourished by curiosity and unpressured exploration.”

― Mary Jo Peebles, Beginnings, Second Edition: The Art and Science of Planning Psychotherapy

Being able to "know" means not having to pretend understanding...

But how do we do that? It's been a question of my life. Here are some stages of the process for me...

Receptivity:

In my sessions, I often think about receiving my client and the natural world. I'm not listening purely for the words and content of what they're talking about; I'm observing. I'm orienting myself by reminding myself to stay open to all of what is happening before I decide what it means. Receptivity is me doing less and receiving the other through my senses. I practice this by letting myself notice tone, pacing, emotion, silence, bodily shifts, relational shifts, and what feels present between us.

Here is an exercise I use to practice receiving:

Go outdoors, notice how you feel, then sit quietly for 1-15 minutes. Let your attention receive what arrives. Let the world come to meet you.

A bird call? Wind against your skin? A change in the light? A smell? Movement in the grass? Insects moving? Temperature? An animal appearing? A feeling arising in you?

When you notice yourself searching for more, or searching at all... return to the energy of receiving by reminding yourself... "I don't have to find anything. I can let energy find me."

Use your senses of observe. Sight, smell, sounds, touch, taste. Use your spirit by saying, "What else is here beyond my five senses? What is my heart drawn to engage, and how?"

Do you feel a draw to sit beneath a certain tree? Do you see the moss on the bark? Do you feel the way the sound of the aspen leaves makes you have to pee with the whooshing, watery sounds? How is your body changing to meet what meets you?

You may ask yourself what you noticed when you stopped reaching out, sat back, and took in through your sense doors? One observation taking you to the next, with no "point" but to experience for 15 minutes. How do you feel at the end?

Can you cultivate a feeling of gratitude for all you received? What questions do you have about the world? What curiosity arose?

Attunement:

Attunement is to accurately sense and respond to another person's emotional and relational experience.

When I attune, I think of myself as changing to another's emotional radio station. I listen for words and meaning, and I also listen and feel for the feeling behind the words. If receptivity is being open to what is there, attunement is then using what I perceive to meet my clients where they are.

Here is an exercise I use to practice attunement:

Notice how you feel...

Choose one living being. They might be a tree, a plant, a leaf, a blade of grass, an animal track, a butterfly, a rock...

Spend 10-15 minutes observing them. Don't immediately name the being you chose. Pretend and play as if you've never seen this being before.

Are they moving or still?

What happens when the wind changes?

What happens when you approach?

What happens when you move around?

Where are they moving?

Where do they seem to orient?

Are they north, south, east, or west of you?

What is their relationship to the surrounding landscape?

What conditions seem important to support or strain them?

This is how you attune to their energy. What would it be like to be them? How is it different than being you?

What else do you notice? What do you notice about yourself in relationship?

Has anything changed in how you feel?

Intuition:

Paired with humility and curiosity. Intuition is a felt sense of what hasn't been reasoned out yet. In therapy and life so much hasn't been reasoned out yet. What does your gut say? Nothing. Wait and see if anything comes when you ask. It can be fun to let yourself ask, not to know, and to stay open! It can be like riding a bike or learning to swim, it's scary to learn a skill. Intuition is a skill. For some it comes easily, but with all of us it comes with a story and feelings.

Here is an exercise I use to practice intuition:

I take a slow walk without a destination. At a crossroads, fork, or point where you could go several directions, pause.

Notice your brain trying to reason it out. Stop. Breathe deeply for a few cycles, in and out.

Okay, now... Which way are you drawn?

Your intuition isn't a command; it's a soft magnetic draw or repel sensation. An energetic movement. A yes. A no.

Sit down at the point of decision and journal.

What are you sensing? What did you sense walking up to the split?

What does your mind say?

What happens when you listen to the mind and pause, waiting for more?

Get up and follow your gut for a little while...notice what it feels like to follow your gut.

Where did it take you? What did you see and experience that you might otherwise not have?

Presence:

“The experience of speaking from the heart and being taken seriously builds the psychic architecture that supports the capacity to bear life.”

― Nancy McWilliams, PhD

Being genuinely present with my clients rather than operating from an agenda, modality, or mental preparation is a key practice. Remembering that psychic architecture is being built in the support of life simply through remaining with my clients is key. The gift of presence says, "You are not alone in this." We are both here loving the questions. Something is happening between us; let us both begin to see what it is together. Jung said something about when sitting with another person, just be another person. It's a practice to let the modality fall away, to stop frantically thinking... what's next? To step into what's next and have the presence of mind and spirit to notice what arises in being-ness.

Here is an exercise I use to practice presence:

Find a place outdoors where you can sit comfortably. Notice how you feel. Set a timer for 15-20 minutes. Your only task is to stay there. Sit until your timer goes off. Don't try to meditate in a structured way, don't journal, and don't photograph anything. Even better to leave your phone inside if you can!

Remain in the place you sit. Remain with the place you sit.

When your mind wanders into other places, return to the place you've chosen.

The clouds will move, the light will shift, animals might appear. Your body will change too, and sounds might emerge and disappear. You'll probably start thinking of your to-do list, and when you do call you mind back to the present by naming and noticing your thoughts and feelings as they arise with welcome. Invite them to wait until the time goes off to return, but assure them you'll be back with them shortly.

What became available to you because you stayed?

The point of this is to learn that you don't always have to be doing something for meaningful experiences to happen, and whatever else you happen to learn. Don't force yourself to answer any of these questions, or to glean anything super specific from these practices. Let them unfold.

Other helpful questions to ask are:

What am I noticing? What does my body do as I stay with that? What am I feeling? What happens as I feel it more? Or less? Can I turn the volume up or down?

What wants my attention? What am I drawn toward? What do I want to move away from?

Let your experience develop like a photograph. This is not about making symbolism or extracting lessons. It is about being held, taken seriously, so that your heart capacity can grow, and sometimes that happens in metaphor or symbolism. Sometimes it is simply about noticing without meaning or a story at first. Humans are storytellers. The story will always come.

If any of these practices brought you an experience you'd like to share, feel free to share it in the comments. Or come outside and play with me?

I think of these practices as a progression. I allow myself to be affected (receptivity). I notice what is happening (attunement). I listen for what I sense (intuition). I stay (presence).

May these practices serve you too!

Rewilding time and stewarding soul warmly,

Nomi